So I’m posting this because the answer’s important but I want to protect the asker’s identify because I don’t trust any of you not to send hatemail and just in general be a big bag of dicks to them for asking a question.
I’m curious about your thoughts on sigils focused on love and about a particular person. For example, ‘I want -person’s name- to be interested in me’. Do you think it crosses the boundaries between free will and control? I apologize if this should be obvious, I just can’t stop thinking about it.
The problem is this isn’t obvious, no matter how many of us argue that it is. That’s going to have to be a personal decision. Each person will have to determine for themselves what line should and shouldn’t be crossed.
I have murky feelings on it, at best. I see pros and cons to both sides. I personally wouldn’t do it for myself because love isn’t a huge desire for me. It doesn’t even make it into my life goals. But, that’s me, for me.
I teach that love spells that are target-specific should be able to be undone. That should be a built in mechanism in the spell that when the spell’s undone your magical hold over the person is too. Therefore the spell can undone before sexual acts are committed or real commitment takes place. Now, you can write target-specific love spells with clauses that if the spell works against the target’s will then it won’t work. That’s totally a thing too and the easiest way of all to avoid the issue at hand. That being said, I also teach how do perform and recognize these more forceful love spells because, hey, they’re out there.
However, traditional folklore and superstition that makes up many love spells are about controlling a person completely in love, both sexually and romantically. There are spells implicitly designed to make someone have sex with you. It’s a thing and it has history behind it. Those spells are, by definition if not but intent, rape spells.
I’ll give an example that’s somewhat similar. I had a potential client ask me to perform an abortion spell – not for herself but for another woman. At first she said the woman raped her fiance and when to get an abortion and refused. I denied the request. Furthermore, the whole thing sounded off. I was right. The story changed – he wasn’t raped just “lured while she wasn’t around” (the potential client’s words) and now he was living with this other woman. The client insisted that he was too scared to get rid of this other woman but to me it still sounded off and I was rather suspicious of the whole thing. I flat-out refused the request again, this time with more a more clear-cut response and implying that while such things were within my ability (and I do have the technical herbal skill and spell casting knowledge) I wouldn’t do it. Not couldn’t, wouldn’t. She sent me a third request now saying this other woman was having twins. I didn’t respond. The request crossed boundaries I’m not comfortable with crossing. In my opinion, the woman has the right to carry a fetus to term, although the man, if he was a rape victim, should not be subject to paying the child support of a child forced from him and legal actions against the woman should be taken. However, that wasn’t the case. Instead, the whole case came off as a woman unable to accept her situation that her fiance stepped out on her and now was starting a family with another woman – if that was the actual situation at all. I don’t know because I only had this woman’s story.
Now, someone might have flat-out refused to do a spell regarding abortion. I personally would have if done the abortion spell if the other woman consented. I’m not sure what I would have done if the man had been a rape victim and the other woman didn’t consent. I would have, at the very least, needed evidence establishing that the rape occurred (by this I mean a police report or actual communication with the man himself) rather than hearsay from a third party. Would I have provided abortion herbs or just used spells? I don’t know. I would have needed more context and a possible in person meet-up to decide.
Context is super important though. Does this person even like you? Are they aware of your existence? Have you already expressed your interest and they have refused you?
Because in cases of “this person doesn’t know/see me” then a target spell where they will notice you could be done – and that’s the whole goal of the spell. For them to notice you. Have they expressed actual interest in a romantic sense, enough where outside observers can comment on it? Then a love spell to get them to take a step forward instead of wavering about could be done. Neither of those would interfere with free will or control in my opinion. If they refused you and you did a spell to make them like you anyway, that would be interfering with free will and control – such acts technically fit the definition of molestation, sexual assault, or rape, depending on the situation. However, it’s up for you to decide whether you’re OK with doing that. There’s currently no legal precedent for this. There’s no one that will come and jail you for it. (Although, if you’re discovered, other witches might do something but that’s a whole different story.)
It’s up for you to decide. Whatever you decide is up to you, just be prepare for any consequences that may occur. I’m not talking about the Rede, although that may apply if you follow that, or the “comes back to you X times” things, although that may also apply to you, but to guilt or remorse that may follow your actions. You may question if without magic this person wouldn’t love you. That sort of consequences.