Rambling Dreams

I dreamed.

After spending many hours drinking I returned home to dream.

There were two of distinct memory.

The first was of a bear. A black bear, likely the American black bear to be honest although I’m not much for recognizing species by type. A bear is a bear including all that entails being a bear – a dangerous predator and a fierce mother.

In the dream a bear had wandered into the house. For those who are unaccustomed to bears, this does happen in real life. Maybe not as often inside the house but they are often found wandering in suburbs, even in Rhode Island. This bear was not causing havoc and really was just being inside the house. Sort of like if a squirrel or bat had gotten inside. In the dream I fetched out a thin metal staff with a hexagon shaped top to it, carved. Dull steel though the curves and arches of the head’s design where sharp despite the roundness of the head. With this I gently nudged the bear around to get it to leave. At one point, the bear had said fuck it and rolled up in a pile of laundry, half covering itself to sleep (why there was a pile of laundry in the corner of the living room I have no idea but let us not question the machinations of dreams shall we?)

Then the dream is gone. I have no idea how it ended. I know there was a time difference. I believe I woke up (I never sleep fully through he night, constantly waking and falling back to sleep a dozen times in a few hours of rest). Eventually I went back to sleep and this time dreamed a bit more bizarrely.

In this dream, I was half-lucid. I remember thinking thoughts that my dream-self did not but I did not bother to try to control the dream. I let it play out as it liked.

I was speaking to a council. I was me, dressed for business. The council of politicians were on screens but I was speaking and on the floor with schoolchildren. I spoke of abuses that in the dream I suffered but not have personally done so in this life. Malnutrition  physical abuse, ignored by the system, given back to a father that loved me more for being a punching bag than for being his child, and a mother who was absent or dead. I did not know. Abuses I have not suffered here but my dream-self had.

I relayed the story of my abuse to a roomful of children and the politicians far away and yet seen on-screen. I spoke on how the planet Pluto had given me back to my father instead of saving me. It is implied that it is not the not-planet or even the deity Pluto that is being spoken of but rather a government. I spoke on how we should be saving the people, the children, and not our petty differences. How we should focus on saving cultures and not combine religions (there was another part to the dream, less remembered, where two religions similar but not the same where being combined to save trouble and costs. The texts were written in  Japanese, a languages I once knew very well but have since forgotten from lack of practice and use. I remember being surprised in the dream that I knew it at all and realized that perhaps I have not forgotten as much as I had thought but instead have it buried behind many other thoughts and knowledge that it takes too long to remember when necessary. Either way, it is something to ponder about later and not the point of this post.

My speech moved the children and councilors alike. Some had to flee the room, so impassioned it was. Some of the older children had paperwork for me to sign, perhaps it was a way they were voting or would have if they could have. I’m unsure. A girl came up and hugged me, she did not know her mother either and felt my dream-self’s pain.

And then it all went away and I awoke. I have no idea what to make of them. This is not the first time I have dreamed of this bear in my house. I believe I will fall back to folklore and symbolism as much as I can without cultural appropriation to see what this may mean. I’m of the belief that dream interruptions is fairly useless unless you have a personal symbolism dictionary for the things you saw in your dream. For what I attribute to bears might not be what others do but in dreams it’s all about what I see, what I feel, what I think. Such as it is.

Anyway, that is what I dreamed. Fueled by day of alcohol and sleep.