“Go the Fuck Away” Spell

This isn’t the kind of spell you’d put on someone whom you hate, but maybe someone who’s toxic to you and really just needs to fuck off somewhere else for a while.

What you’ll need:

  • Computer or phone capable of pulling up MapCrunch and Google Maps.
  • A poppet pencil

Create a poppet pencil. Write the name of your target on one side and draw your target’s face and defining aspects on the pencil. If they play basketball, draw a basket ball, for example. Or if they are never seen without their hat, draw their hat.

Load up MapCrunch. Yes, we’re going to find the airport. (Anyone remember that? No? Oh, well) This will give you a random destination to send your target. Not what you’re looking for? Randomize it again. I usually don’t care where my target goes so long as it’s nowhere near me.

You can also pick a place you want to send them. This can be fun and creative. If you want someone to go far away and they hate cold weather, send them somewhere cold. Or maybe you just want them to leave the country. Whatever the reason, pick a place.

Now, pull up where they live. I use Google maps in a different web browser tab for this. If you have their address, great, otherwise, just narrow it down to the city or region they’re from.

Map out their trip. If you’re dedicated, pick a less-than-pleasant route. Once the trip is planned out, take the poppet pencil and follow the route from their house to the destination.

While you do this, chant:

"[Name] I see you here and I want you gone.
Take a trip, take a journey,
Take a boat, car, or plane,
I don't care,
Just get the fuck over there."

When done, take the poppet pencil to the nearest crossroads, bus terminal, airport, or train station. Leave it there, chuck it the middle finger, and walk away.

Notes:

  • The more popular the destination, the more likely the spell will work. As much fun as it would be to send them to the back roads of Russia, chances are you aren’t going to dedicate enough magic to the spell to actually get them there. Picking a major tourist destination is a better choice.

Does this spell seem familiar? A variation of it can be found to help you achieve your travel goals here. Originally this spell was posted here on tumblr.