Everyday Meditation For People Who Can’t Stay Still

I’ll be honest. I hate meditation. Or, rather, I’m super restless and I don’t like standing still for more than five minutes. I can’t even watch movies without pausing them once or twice… every half an hour.

But! I do meditate a bit each morning. Each morning, before I even get out of bed or check my phone, I do some very simple stretches to shake out the kinks in my muscles that might have developed overnight.

I might do some Sun Salutations if I’m in a yoga mood but usually I sit crossed legged in my bed with my back straight as possible and my eyes closed. I’ll do arm pumps, arc my back lean side to side, bend forward, that sort of thing. It depends on what muscles feel tight and what feels loose. I keep it slow and easy. I don’t worry about the number of times I do a move. I just do it until I feel ready to move onto the next move. I just do what feels good for my body at that particular moment in time.

While I do the simple moves, I keep my mind as empty as possible. That’s pretty easy when my brain isn’t even awake yet. If random thoughts come to me, I let them happen and make note that the thought has occurred. When I’m ready and mostly sot-of awake I move into positive affirmations and a my to do list. I’ll say something like “Today, I will be productive and bake a dozen cookies”. If my thoughts stray at this point, I just nudge them back onto what I want to be thinking of instead. Your mind will wander off. That’s perfectly normal.

Things like that can really make or break my day personally. And all this can be done while sitting on my bed and stretching. Which is kind of a life goal for me, if I’m honest.

It also wakes up my body and mind. I feel far more invigorated for those mere first five minutes and I’m far more likely to have a good, long workout or head to the gym rather than doing something halfhearted or skipping it entirely. I also grab breakfast far more often, which is something I’m guilty of skipping pretty awesome.

Anyway, this is a meditation technique that works for me so maybe it’ll work for you too!

Finding My Soul Journey

It’s really hard to just go against the grain. I constantly hear people say how hard it is. I’m not really one to speak. I have created my entire lifestyle so I don’t have to deal with that kind of difficulty. I live in my own little world and don’t much care for what others think or say. I worked very hard and sacrificed a great deal to get that kind of mentality and lifestyle.

Most people can’t or won’t do that. That isn’t a rebuke or insult. Some people can’t for practical reasons – they have family, can’t afford it, or survive within a group dynamic. Others won’t because it’s not how they want to live.

I love my lifestyle. But I’ll be the first to admit that it’s very solitary and can be very hard. And I really respect people who don’t want to live this way or cannot. You’re following your priorities. I have the luxury of being in a position where I can sacrifice things I kind of want for what I really want: freedom. It’s as essential to me as writing or witchcraft so I chase after it. I chucked away chains that tied me down – acquaintances I didn’t want to deal with just out of politeness, jobs I was unhappy with, relationships that weren’t meaningful to me, and more.

Getting to the point where I recognized that freedom was an essential need for me was a soul journey all of its own. Each person who goes through these journeys and epiphanies will have different stories to tell.

I can’t tell you how to find the catalysts to these journeys. I can’t even really tell you how I got to my own revelation. It just sort of happened. Shadow work helps, certainly, by sweeping clear the rubbish and bringing the light into forgotten places in your mind and soul. Bucking doubt and just going with the flow of things also helps. I stopped questioning myself and just did what felt best for me.

A lot of times, people embark on these journeys after a drastic change or trauma. Others, like myself, have a snowball effect all leading them to the same place. You really can wake up one day and decide to change.

Change isn’t easy. I like change. I’m a Gemini so change is second nature to me. But I don’t like change that I don’t feel in control of. It took a long time for me to recognize that giving up control is controlling the situation. I let things happen as they happened, organically, and just dealt with things as they come. I’m much happier for it. In fact, it reduced my stress level so much I was able to go off medication for chronic acid reflux. Now I can medication only when I’m stressed or eating foods my body doesn’t like. It allowed me to grieve for my late mentor and the loss of a spiritual path I no longer felt welcome in. My soul journey was healing, both physically and spiritually.

2014-12-04 17.11.57

My favorite way to use bells is to wear them!

Embarking on this soul journey won’t instantly fix your life and won’t instantly cause you to be more spiritual. It should bring a deeper understanding of yourself into focus. And from that new understanding, you can begin to alter and build you life to better suit the needs of your soul.

 

 

Updates abound

So… Been a while, right?

Posted by @thiscrookedcrown on Jul 14, 2016

 

I’ve been very quite on the internet in the last month or so. There’s a reason for this. I’m working on a very complex and involved project known as “Secret Future Plan” (SFP). The project itself is more personal in nature but indirectly affects my work, heavily. It’s been going on for over a year now and that’s just been set up. We’re hoping to kick off SFP by the end of this month. There’s a second phase to SFP that I can’t plan for yet until the first phase is completed, really, so things will still be up in the air for a long while yet. I’m hoping to have everything squared away by autumn and then I’ll release a new post series on SFP.

Anyway, SFP aside, there have been a lot of minor updates happening around This Crooked Crown so I thought I’d summarize them all here for your convenience and such.

  • Readings now sorted by type over on my Etsy and Storenvy shops!
  • Storenvy shop is open again, with new stock & better mirroring with the Etsy shop.
  • Released a new spread Prince Charming in both the Etsy and Storenvy shops. Now’s a really good time for a reading because the turn-around time is short right now.
  • Updated the “Divination Methods” section of the website under Tarot and Oracle Decks. The mini reviews and images are gone and will be, over time, replaced with proper reviews with more images. List also has been updated to accurate reflect current collection.
  • Made little updates across the website, such as to the FAQ and such.
  • I sold out my free online witchcraft primer course. Which is so surprising to me! Thank you, everyone. I plan on re-opening that course in early August!

Posted by @thiscrookedcrown on Jul 15, 2016

 

And here’s a random list of things I’ve been working on in the background:

  • The previously mentioned “Witchcraft 101” course is now named “Fundamentals of Witchcraft”. I’m working on it diligently and hope to have it available by September.
  • Writing lots and lots of posts that you’ll see soon.
  • Sending out my Spirit Walker fiction manuscript to various agents and publishing houses.
  • Writing the second draft of The Sea Witch fiction manuscript.
  • I’m hoping to collect some of my spells and recipes together and forge a book to publish online.
  • Updating tumblr resources since tumblr deleted all the links and slowly moving those articles over to this website for permanent storage. So we won’t lose anything again due to tumblr’s fickle nature.
  • Updating a photos of readings and such so they’re pretty.
  • Sample readings will be soon available to view so you know what to expect from a reading.
  • Saving plants. I’ve started to bring home those sad little plants you see in the clearance areas of stores. With care and attention, I can bring the little guys back to vibrant life.
  • The aforementioned “Secret Future Plan” which consumes my soul on a daily basis. Additionally, my personal life has been rather busy taking care of various ill persons, including myself.

Posted by @thiscrookedcrown on Jul 15, 2016

 

Whew! That’s (probably) everything. Life gets really busy for everyone so sometimes the ball gets dropped but I think I’m back on track now. Thanks for sticking with me this far and hope you stick around even longer.

 

A Rambling About Curses

As a witch who is (somewhat) active in the community, I’m always prepared to deal with being hexed or cursed. It’s inevitable that I say something that someone somewhere doesn’t like or just my mere existence annoys them.

By and large, curses do nothing to me. I set up active protections against them with various fail safes and often the curses don’t even touch me.

But sometimes I let them.

Why the hell would I do that? That’s easy. I want to see what they’ll do. I want to see how far someone is actually going to go. I want to see how my protections alter, break, or mutilate the curse from it’s original form to what it actually does. I want to test my skills and meet somewhat head-on the person who wants to ruin my life.

The most honest answer is because they usually aren’t worth my time. Why would I go out of my way to answer what is, essentially, a minor inconvenience? Annoying, sure, but not worth me devoting time and energy to. There are always assholes in the world and most of them aren’t worth the time they think they’re worth.

If a curse slips through one of the openings I leave then I usually notice in a day or two that the effects have started. The effects are usually very minimal – shit breaking randomly, inability to get anything done despite attempts otherwise, and so on. It’s the kind of day where you say fuck it and go back to bed. It’s the magical equivalent of having to drive someone to the airport on short notice. You’re not mad about having to drive said person but you’d rather stay in your sweats and watch the last three episodes of your Netflix marathon.

I do have lines that I don’t allow to be crossed. For example, a curse might be more insidious than expected – often because the caster is a malicious piece of shit rather than doing something they feel is right or just. If a curse begins to act in a more serious manner or begins to hurt other people in my family rather than simply mildly inconveniencing me, then I destroy them. Just bouncing the spells back at them isn’t enough. I might actually break out the cursing materials and give them a taste of their own spells. And my curses rarely miss.

Keep in mind this: I actually would do considerable mundane harm to an enemy if there weren’t legal restrictions otherwise. I’m not afraid to say that. So when the debate “you shouldn’t cast a spell to do something you wouldn’t do without magic” I can actually answer, “but I actually would.” I am aware of that less-attractive side of myself. I acknowledge it and use it as needed.

It’s something to consider though. Why are you being cursed and how would you deal with those curses without your protections? How would you deal with that person if they decided to use non-magical means to hurt you? Don’t you want to see what they attempted to do? Sure, you can use divination but curses can be written to not be divined.

Curses are most often weakest after they’ve taken effect. People don’t think to protect the curse from being dismantled. They assume the curse will cause enough damage without taking that step. It’s like sending out heavy artillery without having ground troops to protect it – foolish and once destroyed, you’re fucked because you’ve pulled out the big guns and lost.

Maybe I’m just not a nice person or maybe I’m more combat-willing than other practitioners. I’m willing to use my magic to harm as much as I am to heal. I know that goes against many people’s practices but I think it’s certainly an option and point of view people should be aware of. We’re not all nice here. And we need to protect ourselves with that in mind.

Home Construction, Witchcraft, and You

I’ve lived through a fair amount of construction. You’ll hear that living through construction isn’t fun and they’re right. It’s always a hassle and always difficult to live through. There’s always someone in your home, there is constantly dust and dirt everywhere, entire rooms will be out of commission, things will be misplaced, and worst yet, you have to have pants on or even be presentable at some ungodly hour in the morning. Shudder.

Now long-term readers will know that I live in an in-law flat at my mother’s house. My mother’s house isn’t new. Built in the 1940s, it sits between two crossroads on the top of a hill overlooking a swamp turned middle school. (No, I’m serious.) The previous owner did a lot of work themselves – poorly. The garage was clumsily doubled, we’re fairly certain one of the bedroom’s was added, the finished basement was roughshod, the kitchen linoleum floor was caulked down, the upstairs tub isn’t sealed properly and leaks into my closet at times… oh the list goes on and on. We once watched an electrician climb up a ladder, open up a ceiling light, and then fly back down, shaking their head in fear and horror.

Every single time we attempt something in this house, no matter how small, something expensive and catastrophic happens. A simple clogged kitchen drain turns into the house’s main line being snaked because of the way the plumbing was designed. Adding a ceiling fan becomes rewiring half the house. Changing cable companies requires three teams of people all to stare in vague disbelief at the house. Every single home improvement we do is a major event. Despite the trouble, each year we try to do something for the house. Sometimes those home improvements are laying down new flooring ourselves or updating appliances and other times it’s the more construction side of things. This year it’s windows and gutters. The star of the show is a window that takes up half the wall in the double parlor. We’re turned into into a bow window with a little shelf for plants and knick-knacks cats.

But what does this have to do with witchcraft?

Let me talk to you about windows first. Windows are doors. They are gateways. They are reflective surfaces. They are both outside and inside. They allow you to see the world without being involved with it. Windows are the shit. Glass is pretty damn amazing all things considered and I could do a whole rant on the amazingness of glass but I’ll put it aside for today. Windows, like doors, can be used as entrance ways for spirits and magic, especially if you treat windows as a door. When I cleanse the house I cleanse the windows the exact same way I cleanse the doors and corners. They are spaces where two things are separate by very little, like veils between worlds.

So when mum said “we’re going to do the big window this year” I sighed and thought “well, shit.” This means I had to break down the protections on this huge double window in our living room that we haven’t been able to open for the eleven years we’ve owned the house. So I spent a few evening tearing down the protections and holding them out in a temporary state until the installation could be done. Plus I had to take down the barriers to ensure that any constructors workers that are psychic-inclined don’t get a massive headache from my barriers (known to happen as I do some powerful protections). Then it took several days to ensure that the new window protections meshed well with the old protections. I also cleansed the window and area from any crap it came with during the install.

The room's mostly done in this image. There's still some touch up needed. The wall colors are silver (inset) and a marine turquoise green.

The living room is now a great place to hang out.

And one doesn’t simply add a new window to a room without considering repainting said room. So I did that too. The inset transformed from red into a silver-white and the peach walls melted into a marine turquoise green. The room is now cool and clean feeling. It came out really nice all things considered and now I’m really pleased to say this will be the perfect space to do readings for clients that come to the house. Plus, I was able to install some of my older gaming consoles so it doubles as a joint gaming location for the household. Which makes it even sweeter. It still has some work that needs doing (touch up paint) but usable again which is super nice. The photo to the left is the new room. I just wish I had a before picture to show you the stunning change.

Gutter boxes laying across the side yard and waiting for installation.

Gutter boxes laying across the side yard and waiting for installation. Get use to seeing this and more if you’re doing construction.

Then we turned our attention to the gutters. Actually, the installation of the gutters is being done as I type this, huddled over my computer sipping on too much coffee as the crews started at the lovely time of seven-thirty in the morning. We are not morning people and there was much bitching involved with this wake up call.

Gutters are a pain in the ass. Not only did I need to take down anything hanging on the exterior wall that could fall down, but I had to do some major landscaping and  deal with the fact that my gutters are changing. Gutters are potential streams attached to your house. Water helps conduct of a bunch of things including energy. With new gutters up, I’ll had to ensure the corners where the gutters hang were well protected magically. I had to crawl into the depths of the house to find each corner and protect it. Luckily I didn’t have to climb on the roof but it was a near thing. (I don’t mind climbing roofs but the ground was muddy and ladders don’t do well in the mud.) I did have to dodge some possums that live in our garage attic. We usually stay out of each other’s way but I scared the shit out of them when I climbed up to do the spells. It was worth it as I can now incorporate a potential running source of water into its own self-standing protection during storms and inclement weather.

That wasn’t the only change going on though. When you start doing work on one part of the house, you tend to start looking at the other parts of the house and think “well, that looks like shit. I bet I could change that.” Which is what happened to me.

In order to do the gutters I had to hack down my grape vines and climbing roses off the garage trellis. This is the backyard spring clean up in progress.

In order to do the gutters I had to hack down my grape vines and climbing roses off the garage trellis. This is the backyard spring clean up in progress.

During install

And here’s during install. There was a lot going on. A lot of ladders. Still not done with the yard spring clean up. Sigh.

I already mentioned I had to do some landscaping. When the previous owners built the trellis and planted the grape vines, they also put a gutter on the garage roof (which you can see there in the photo hanging down a bit. I damaged it during my demo). I have three mature grapevines and a climbing rose bush that propagated itself so now there’s something like four of them along that back wall. I kind of let the vines do their thing for years and they were in some dire need of trimming and shaping. So I hacked them all down to what you see in the photo. It was several days of tiring hard work. It wasn’t just cutting them down. I had to cut each vine piece into a size that would fill a lawn bag. I’m already at ten lawn bags as of this writing and I’m sadly not done. I also had to rake out the leaves on the patio and the leaves on the memorial garden on the other side of the garage (my bittersweet nightshade is a monster that will not be tamed). I also had to beat back my Audrey III in the front yard. In the summer we let it the creeping jenny wind around the front porch and provide some serious shade but every few months I have to go out there and hack it down to size. Creeping jenny will go everywhere if you let it so I had to make sure it didn’t make it’s way down to the mailbox. Followers on my instagram saw my work in progress a while back as I tackled Audrey III. It worked out though since I needed to clear out the front anyway so they could put the gutters up on the porch.

I’m still not done yet though. Although the garden’s now coming along nicely and will be pretty damn sweet come the summer, I’m also tackling three more painting jobs. The dining room (actually the second half of the living room since it’s a double parlor) and the greenhouse/storage/exercise room, and my staircase into my apartment are also being painted. (Yellow, green, and multicolored, respectively). I might even do my own kitchen/sitting area too if I still have enough fucks to give by that point…. Yeah. Half a house later and I’m satisfied with the house. Until next year that is.

I know I’m not the only witch to deal with construction so here’s my tips on how to survive, witchy-style. This list will also work for those of you apartment dwellers who have landlords that drop in with a “hey, we’re going to be doing work on your place. Deal with it.”

  1. Be certain you know when they’re coming, going, and to have all your paperwork in order. Put a “notice me!” type spell on paperwork you’ll need (and some pens!) so you can locate it in the chaos to follow.
  2. Secure any breakables, expensive stuff, and well-liked things. Thievery isn’t unheard of. Put down some badass “do not touches” on stuff and some extra protection on things you want safe. Plus thieving spirits will get into everything since your protections will be moved around too.
  3. Get a box and put your witch shit in it. This depends on you but if you’re not out about your craft and you want them to not know of it, get a box and tuck the most damning stuff in it. Stick it in a closet somewhere. Put your altar in a second box by itself. I highly recommend, especially for long-term constructions, moving the altar to a room that won’t be touched or to empty out a drawer somewhere and put the altar in that. If you’re open about your craft and don’t mind people knowing (like me) then just make sure your witchy stuff isn’t going to get knocked over or trip anyone. (I’m looking at you, cauldron).
  4. Cleanse the house before anyone comes in. This gives you a baseline for finding out if anyone’s hauling in new stuff or any negative energy that might come in. Plus it’s nice to have a breather before the chaos. Also, clean. It’ll cut the clean up after the construction in half.
  5. Make sure the new parts of the house mesh well with the old parts of the house. Each house has its own personality and spirit. Some spirits are livelier than others so make sure the house knows what’s going on and what to expect. [UPG]
  6. Determine if your protection spells need to be altered, adjusted, or taken down. My home protections are layers upon layers. Most are designed to be “dropped” at a moment’s notice for reasons I won’t get into here. My household is made up of misanthropic hermit-hobbits so we have excessive protections to ward off… well, everybody. Most people don’t do that apparently so YMMV but you may need to put aside some protections for the mean time. If you do, remember to boost your personal protections and any protection spells for individual people or things that may need it.
  7. Cast a luck spell. Not only will this help things go smoothly but it may speed up the time of the construction or save you money. Do any other necessary spells before construction begins and plan any regular rituals you might hold around the construction if possible. If you do big spells or spells with lots of components, start making those things now and put them aside. (If you use an anointing oil for example, make that before you begin construction)
  8. Find the devices and items you use every day and enchant them with a “notice me!” spell. I do this for all my remotes as well as my cellphone but you might also find it useful for things like medication, toothbrushes, hairbrushes, and so on.
  9. At the end of each construction day, take ten minutes to meditate and de-stress. Your home will be in chaos. Your home’s energy will be tossed around and feeling like crap. Find a corner of your house that is completely untouched by the chaos and go there. This might not be possible depending on the construction but try to find some place where you can have a moment.
  10. Keep your regularly scheduled woo and non-woo stuff on track. Do normal things. This will be one of the hardest things to do but it can be the most encouraging and supportive for you. Make your bed. It doesn’t matter if the entire family’s crashing on a mattress on the floor but the simple act of making the bed look neat will give a visual and mental reprieve from the chaos. Plus, you’ll have somewhere to sit and put stuff that you’ll need to find again in five minutes.
  11. Unfinished houses are in danger from spirits and woo the most. Protect them as much as you can. Try not to leave walls unpainted or spaces without where things can be tucked without your knowledge. Cleansing, divination, and knowing the energy of your place will help find anything amiss. [UPG]
  12. Enchant as you go. I placed charm bags in the walls of my flat when it was rebuilt. I use water or chalk to trace out protection symbols on walls and floors before they were finished. When painting, each coat has a new enchantment on it, depending on what my purpose is. If you’re a DIYer, definitely enchant as you go. Remember that blood is powerful but so is sweat and the energy you put into something.
  13. Determine if you’re setting up a permanent spell, a spell that will need to be maintained, or if it’s something that can be taken down when/if you move. For example, as mentioned many of my house protections can be dropped. Some of those protections are part of the house now and will never be taken down without someone going out of their way to do it intentionally, even if I moved. Layering protections like that can help but adding new bits to your home puts a discrepancy in between the protections. Make sure everything melds together smoothly when needed.
  14. Blessing your new space might be a thing you want to do. I tend to roll it into my protection rites and it’s less of a blessing more of a “Welcome to the Crossroad-Shire! We drink blood on Tuesdays and perform necromancy on Fridays. Pants are optional.” YMMV. (I’m kidding about the blood).
  15. Sweeping out the negative energy with the dust and dirt will be helpful. Expect to do this actively for a week after construction. Dust will be everywhere.

Here’s some non-witchy pro-tips for the construction-minded folks out there:

  • Always have a contingency money set aside in case something goes wrong. I personally recommend and go with half of whatever you’re paying to have done available or on hand. Excessive? Sure. But if you don’t need the money then it can be plopped right into a savings account or spent on something nice.
  • Many window companies will outright refuse to price windows individually or do only a few windows at a time. If you do have a company come out, see if they’re guarantee a price or do some windows at a time.
  • Avoid using companies that don’t do the work themselves. Trust me. You can bitch all you want to the place you ordered your fancy new door from but they won’t give a shit because it’s on the contractor they hired out and that contractor is magically not insured or just poofed from existence.
  • Rhode Island is one of the worst fucking states in the U.S. for construction. Hands down. We’re notorious for it. If you’re in the New England area, triple check any construction companies as they might be from Rhode Island.
  • Make duplicates of your paperwork and keep it ALL in one place. Ideally, this should be the place where all of your important paperwork is kept whether a safe, deposit box, filing cabinet, or a beat up box tucked under your desk.
  • Stock up on foods and drinks you don’t need a kitchen for. Even if your construction doesn’t take place on the same floor as the kitchen you may find yourself so stressed from dealing with the construction or people that you can’t be bothered to cook.
  • Secure your pets and children. This should be incredibly obvious but it needs repeating.
  • Buy an extra set of cables for your devices. There is literally nothing worse than misplacing your charging cable or was finding it in the sink under a pile of soaking dishes. This will invariably happen after the stores are closed in your area and your phone is at 10% battery.
  • Have at least one set of shoes tucked under your sleeping space. Shoes are some of the first things to be misplaced in the chaos of construction. Hide an all-purpose set of shoes in your car for extra protection.

Now, here’s an unpaid promo. I cannot recommend enough Power Home Remodeling Group. They’ve always been polite, clean, and friendly. Always professional, enthusiastic, on time, and on top of their paperwork, they have excellent customer service. Plus the work they’ve done so far has been amazing. They’re the people we’re going through for all our windows, the gutters, and whatever else we can use them for. So if you need windows, doors, or gutters and you’re in their area, I’d use them.

Aggression cleansed at the crossroads

I glance at my phone in surprise because the person calling can’t have left my house more than a minute ago, if that. I answer with a smile in my voice, thinking they had forgotten something. Instead I get this:

“When I was coming out of your house and passed through the gate is slammed a bunch of times and I heard footsteps follow behind me to my car. Then I saw a face in the mirror standing outside my car by the headlights.”

I pause, taking it in. “I’m sorry.” I say immediately because it is a serious issue for a guest to be harassed when leaving my home. I may live on the crossroads but my guests should always feel safe coming to my home.

“Don’t apologize. I just thought you should know.”

I swallow down a second apology and after a few more minutes we end the conversation. I glance towards my window and extended my senses. Yes, something was there, something new that hadn’t been there this afternoon when I dealt with a different, friendly spirit that afternoon. This new thing was aggressive, tumultuous and dark, filled with a confusion of emotions. Not one of mine.

My brother and I are both practitioners. Both of us are mediums and channel spirits at will, we both see them and sense them as naturally as breathing. I have always preferred the non-human spirits but my brother’s craft is that of a necromancer. He works almost exclusively with the dead. Our home is located at the top of hill between two crossroads, one of which is a corpse road. We live directly behind a funeral home and down the street from a swamp. Since we both share a household we split the duties of dual crossroad keepers. I care for the non-humans and tend to the cleansing of the crossroads and keeping the household wards, as well as serving as seer and vigil as needed. He keeps the human spirits, of which we have a great many passing through and serves as backup and exorcist when needed. It suits us and our practices.

Since this aggressive spirit wasn’t one of mine, I climbed up the stairs and tapped on his door. “Test the boundaries.”

“What?”

I repeated my friend’s story to him. He sighs and has me fetch out his equipment since I was closer. He shifts around his violin and murmurs to himself, checking. He sighs again.

“It’s one of yours, isn’t it?” I asked. “We can’t have it attacking guests. That’s just rude.”

“I don’t know. I think some of my friends could use a spiritual kick in the ass.”

I laugh, because he’s not wrong. We negotiate a price for him taking care of the problem I noticed (rather than me doing it myself) and he gets ready to go cleanse the crossroads and chase the spirit away while I set about doing the dishes. The spirit was being tricky. It kept moving between the front and back of the house, causing my brother to have to cross the house twice to find it. During that time, I dropped my active barriers, offering one room of my house as refuge for the spirits that would be cleansed from the crossroads.  I felt the house flood with new energy but the spirit my brother hunted was too distracted to take advantage. Other spirits didn’t take up the offer, including the one spirit I warned my brother against sending away.

Finally my brother stepped outside. I felt him issue a spiritual challenge of sorts followed by a dull response. Then two pulses of energy and the crossroads were cleared. My brother came in and announced it was done. I nodded, thanked him, and we set about making dinner.

A while later I returned to my flat downstairs. Many spirits had slipped back through the hole in the wards to return to the crossroads, to go about their business now that we’re not interrupting them. Others hid. I bent over and glanced under my bed where a small, fat spirit with a large face quivered, just under the blankets.

“Is he gone?” The spirit asks.

I smile kindly, voice soft, non-threatening, and very fond. “Yes he’s done. He’s not that scary. We just needed to get rid of that aggressive guy.”

The spirit understands and I straighten as the spirit comes out. Others move from corners and make their presence fully known. The room plunges into the cold but I ignore it and turn towards the affected crossroad.

“Hm, he did empty it, didn’t he?” I reached out and pushed my energy out towards the crossroad. The cold, empty feeling of the crossroad warms significantly and the spirits begin to move towards it, pleased. No one thanks me but the feeling of gratitude is there. I didn’t expect anything else. The crossroad’s reset and now it’s filled with energy and life, the way it should be.

“You really are a good [redacted].”

I whip around as a different spirit than I expected stood behind me. It was of the same class, so to speak, as the one from this afternoon and the one I told my brother not to cleanse. I drew myself up and nodded.

“I do my best.”

“It’s good enough.” It says and moves towards the busy crossroad. There was a finality to its voice, a hint that I was examined and passed a test, even if I didn’t personally cleanse the crossroads. This was going to be a new thing, clearly. This class of spirits has taken an interest in me. Internally I sighed and sit down to eat my pizza.

[Another episode of living at the crossroads. Commentary paraphrased and certain names and titles redacted but the events and essence of conversation was real.]

Happy New Year!

May your 2015 be better than the last years, may you be given the wealth you want and need, may you remain safe in adversity and hale in health, may you have the courage and strength to do what you want, need, and must, and may the best of your wishes and dreams come true.

Enough of that solemn nonsense. Have your hangovers abated yet? Considering some hair of the dog perhaps? Or maybe you mocked up your new year resolutions and considering to maybe even stick to them this year. Did you have someone to kiss (yes! Your pet totally counts!) Or perhaps you just spent ringing in the new year on a Netflix marathon and didn’t realize it was 2015 until 3 a.m. Hey, it’s all good.

There’s something of a tradition that you should spend your first day of the New Year doing what you want to do for the rest of the year. Make that first day the pattern and what to hold the rest of the year to. That’s great and all but I prefer to make it a week-long event. This primarily comes from not everything I want to the year to be can’t fit into one day. So I spend the week stretching out the things I want to do. This is actually really useful if your new year resolutions are more life-changing than just “I’m going to read more books this year.” This is especially useful if health or dietary concerns were part of your focus for the new year.

For those of you a little lost on those new year resolutions or what direction you want 2015 to go in, you might want to consider some divination and soul-searcher. Write a list of what you want to do and draw cards to see how feasible they are. Divination not your thing? Find a reader! Here’s my three recommendations from my own shop for those who want to use divination to plan 2015.

On This Crooked Crown’s front, I’m focusing more on my writing than last year as well as planning a few big changes and travel plans this year. (That includes getting those rumored witchcraft lessons off the ground.) In fact, watch this space for a big announcement next week!

That’s it from me! I hope the year is kind to you!

How to Determine Your Worth as a Witch or Reader

One of the most frequent questions I get as a witch and reader is how to determine what to charge. I see hundreds of readers or witches great under charge their worth for fear of not getting sales or that they are overcharging. Chances are, you’re not and I’m here to tell you why.

First off, let’s conquer this idea that witches and/or readers shouldn’t charge. It’s absolute bullshit to say that these services should be available for free. I mean literally the most absolute bullshit in the highest scale imaginable and when I’m told this I literally stare at the speaker as if they were on fire. Because in my mind I’m probably lighting them on fire. By saying that readers and witches should offer their services for free, you’re doing five things:

  1. Pushing your opinions, ideas, and values on others and in many cases using your religious, spiritual, or personal morality and ideology to silence others and force them to conform to your beliefs on this topic. That’s a horribly shitty thing to do and it needs to stop. Now.
  2. You’re saying that their services and skills are worth nothing. Please go out in the street and flag down the nearest electrician. Now tell them they should spend hours rewiring your house and, while you do that, tell them that their skills aren’t worth shit and they’re overcharging. Tell them there’s dozens of other electricians who charge less, many amateurs who aren’t trained or licensed who would do it for free, and clearly they should just not charge you. Then go to your therapist or doctor and tell them the same thing. When you say that there’s lots of readers out there and thus someone’s overcharging and/or they aren’t worth what they’re charging and/or they should just give these services away, that’s exactly what you’re saying. You’re saying that religious and spiritual services are not worth paying for. You’re saying that they, as people, are doing something worthless. You’re demeaning them, their practice, and their faith. Essentially, you’re being a piece of shit.
  3. You are ignoring the INCREDIBLY long history of these services being paid for. Village healers were paid for their services in kind or with money. History guarantees this. Why do I say this? Because there are just as many tombs of valued priestesses and healers as there are rulers and warriors.  I can literally walk into a museum and see the crown of a priestess next to the crown of a fucking king. You can bet your ass those priestesses didn’t go dig up the gold and smith it themselves. So when you say shit like “no TRUE [whatever] would charge for this” you are LITERALLY shitting on every single one of those practitioners before you that makes up those traditions you so viciously defend and adapt to your practice.
  4. You are saying that working in an religious or spiritual field is a waste of time and not a profession. You’re saying religious and spiritual organizations shouldn’t make money. And that is clearly false as shit. I present to you: the Christian Church, one of the richest organization in the history of the world. You’re welcome to have this belief but you don’t get to force it on others (see #1).
  5. “It doesn’t work!” I can’t prove that faith works either but tithing is still a thing. And if you’re using THAT as your fucking basis of an argument, then you’re once again committing #1 and forcing your beliefs on others. And for fuck’s sake, so long as the client’s fucking happy, who gives a flying fucking shit? Additionally, it’s basic fucking science that there’s no way to prove something doesn’t exist. Just saying, the possibility is absolutely out there.

Now that we’ve covered that, moving onto the business side of things.

I recently posted this comment “if you’re going to run a business then run a damn business.” I completely stand by that. And the tips I included are really simple:

“Get a business spreadsheet for prices, put in the materials, how much time you spend doing the thing, how much base pay you want, taxes if applicable, shipping if applicable, what kind of profit margin (if any) you have and presto! Instant price. Pop that into the “how much box” and call it a damn day.”

This is absolutely true and has saved me so much trouble and heartache. If left to my own devices not only would have (and have I) undercharged my services, but I still struggle with this today. (Actually, I struggled with it less than an hour ago before I said fuck it, typed in what the numbers said, saved it all, and starting writing this.)

Why do this? It takes out the emotion of it. It’s entirely and completely clinical and that makes it far easier to sell the item and to actually charge what the item is worth and make money off of it.

“Be honest with how long it takes you and round up, not down. It shouldn’t matter whether it’s for tarot readings or if it’s for selling homemade candles, break that shit down and work it out.”

This is sometimes the hardest thing but absolutely, positively the MOST IMPORTANT. You need to be charging an hourly wage, especially if you need to make a certain amount each month or this is your only occupation. For example, I charge $25 an hour for my services as of this writing. Right off the fucking top. That price was determined by how my bills and expenses and what kind of savings I wanted to make. To be honest, it’s not enough to do what I want to do (like actually repair my car) and I’m thinking of raising my hourly wage to reflect that. Am I worth that? Fuck yes. For what I do and in my area I can charge $75 a hour or more. I don’t because I like my services to be accessible to all. And yes, I do mean all. Charging what I’m worth allows me to donate to charities and organizations. I offer free readings to inmates and spells for the homeless upon request. I have the time and materials to do that because I charge what I’m worth. It means I’m less stressed and can cater to my clients properly. Plus I can pay my bills which is really kind of cool.

“You shouldn’t have to feel guilty asking your worth.”

This is arguably the hardest part of it all. We have been told time and again that our services and this field isn’t real, is a waste of time, and we should feel obligated to not sully out gifts this way (please tell Beyonce she shouldn’t charge for her shows or albums because she’s a gifted singer. Go on and tell her. I fucking dare you.) You are worth something. Your time is worth something. So charge for it. You have literally no idea how happy I was once I said “fuck it” and stop letting others determine what I was worth (which, BTW, is about what a living wage should be). Is that possible for everyone? Fuck no, but that’s literally the debate on minimum wage. I wish this was possible for everyone. I really fucking do.

So that’s all well and good but HOW???

Spreadsheets. I downloaded and looked at dozens of hourly wage and pricing spreadsheets, combined them at will to best suit my needs, and moved the fuck on. I plug in the numbers and go. Don’t know how to use spreadsheet? Tutorials are your friend. Look at the help page and just copy and paste the formula at will. Save and make numerous copies of both untouched and touched spreadsheets in case you fuck up royally. Cry a bit in frustration when something doesn’t work and ask for help as needed.

Here’s some areas to consider for your spreadsheets:

  • Materials. Put in each material you used, down to the tiniest screw. Determine how much that screw cost you. If you bought 50 screws for $4.00 that means each screw costs you 8 cents. You divide the the price (include that tax!) into the number of items and call it a day. 4/50. Use a calculator, the spreadsheet formula, or just type the math into Google.
  • Overhead. This is what you spent each month. You can also pro-rate things. For example, I recently bought a sewing machine for the shop. I include that in my overhead. My rent, bills, food, gas, any tools I use (screwdrivers, for example), fees I pay out for services, business cards/advertising, and so on all get plugged in. Then that number gets divided by the number of items I produce each year. Here, I’ll perfectly admit I’ll fiddle with the numbers. I divide it by the number of items I could produce a year. This is primarily because I make things to order. I have a set number I use as a base and I alter it if I go over the set number in sales. (Example, my set number of items sold might be 300 but if I sell 500 readings, I’ll use 500 instead which will reduce my overhead cost.) This does mean I am potentially, yet again, undercharging for my items.
  • Labor. Break it down. How long does the reading take you? Divide that by your hourly wage and call it a day. Making a candle? How long to buy the ingredients? To melt the beeswax? If you’re going to do a batch, divide those numbers by the amount of items you produce. And the spreadsheet do all the math so long as you put he right numbers in.
  • Adding all the above will give you the price of the item that you should be charging. However, there’s one additional item to consider. Profit margin. Some folks use this, others don’t. Usually it’s a percentage. This is going to be absolutely pure profit, extra money for the item. Use this wisely and at your own desire.

No, but seriously, HOW????

How do I decide how much something is worth? I do it. I make whatever item I’m going to make and time myself on how long it took me. Then I multiple that by however much I want to make hourly and call it a day.

Look and talk to fellow practitioners of the same craft of you in the area. How much are they charging? You should match them relatively in price. Don’t go by online prices. Go out on the street and get the prices there. Why do I say this? Because there are so many people charging less than they should online and it’s a fucking tragedy. If you’re an artist, go up to street artists and ask how much they’re charging. If you’re a reader, ask other tarot readers how much per a reading and what that reading entails.

Make your product different and unique. This can be really hard if it’s the same kind of service. Flaunt your experiences, skill, and personality. Offer fantastic customer service or free gifts. (I like my gifts to be a surprise because it’s really cool and I love it when I discover I got something extra whereas when I’m told I’ll get a free gift I expect it and eventually start to think of that item included in the price of whatever I’m buying. Having a cohesive aesthetic and running with it helps. Most of all, make your products unique and then see what clients say about your prices. Do they think they’re getting a great deal? Then you can probably charge more. Have they not mentioned the price at all? Then you’re probably in a good place price-wise. If they mention that you’re overcharging or it’s price-y (and it’s consistent on a single item for example), check around for what others are charging, change your target audience, and/or look for ways to reduce cost.

This is a lot of math.

 

Yes it is. But you can do it. I swear to all your gods and mine that if I can do it, you can too.

Why do I say this? Why am I so certain? I am absolutely math stupid. My six year old brother can add and subtract better than me. I am absolutely fucking serious. It’s a game by brothers play to throw numbers at me. I don’t get angry, I literally stop. I stop functioning because I simply do not get numbers. I stop while my brain tries to figure out numbers, even simple addition like thirteen plus five. (It’s called Dyscalculia and it’s occasionally the bane of my existence. I wish to everything that is holy I was diagnosed as a kid because maybe I wouldn’t have ended each homework session crying into my multiplication tables. )

ANYWAY, remember that intelligence doesn’t negate learning or cognitive disabilities so you can absolutely fucking do this.

This is a lot of business jargon.

Look, my hatred of math made me avoid all math and, in turn, business. As soon as I could, I dumped math off my to-do list forever and never looked back until recently. What I know of business I learned from reading books and articles, asking questions, trying stuff and seeing if it worked or failed. I started my business up because I was broke as fuck and with my chronic sleeping disorder I can’t hold down a nine-to-five (At all. I fell asleep on a TV once. I’m not kidding.) I learned so much and I love my business. Love it now. It makes me want to actively seek out business stuff. I don’t understand most of it without breaking it down (and calling friends who get numbers to ask them to explain things to me) but it’s a journey I don’t regret in the slightest. I might not have a head for business but I have a love of my business so I will do what I have to do to make it thrive.

Final words are this: Just because we work in a spiritual and religious field doesn’t mean we can’t make a living off of it and still remain accurate, authentic, and true to ourselves and our beliefs. Best of luck everyone!

How to Witchify and Clean Out Your Closet at the Same Time

As you might imagine, I’ve been thinking about clothes. This is primarily because of my upcoming trip to New Orleans which is in, yikes less than two days. Thinking about what to bring and wear is kind of a big thing, especially since I’m going from the dawning of autumn weather here in Rhode Island to the 80s and rainy weather that’s down in New Orleans right now. Instead of packing up my summer gear, I’ve two seasons in my bag to deal with the weather.

Anyway! This has me thinking about clothes and other folks on the internet are thinking about cleaning out closets too. Over at the blog A Beautiful Mess (I love these folks!) Emma made a recent post on cleaning out her closet. And she linked to this amazing 7 questions to ask yourself when thinking of things to dump out of your closets. Now, since I’m a witch and always thinking in terms of witchcraft, here’s my additional tips to links above to help clear out your closet and witchify what’s left. And don’t just think of the following tips as useful only on your wardrobe. These tips can be used in any storage area. I clear out my herb and jar shelves in the same fashion so think of your supply closet when you read the following tips.

Clean and renew during autumn and spring.

Autumn and spring are transitional periods, the birthing and dying parts of the year. Do the same to your home. Changes in wardrobe, home decorations, or repairs should be done around these times. I tend to hang new curtains, add a new pillow, or rotate rugs to different rooms depending on what’s going on. Painting a room is a very common change but at $25/can with the need of at least two cans per room, that’s not exactly as cheap as making a pillow slip cover for $2 and calling it a day. Changing the layout of the furniture is another easy solution (I recently redid my entire flat and it looks great and showcased areas that I need to improve!) In the clothes front, I also tend to I prefer the autumn and spring rather than the winter and summer because of the weather extremes of those seasons – you’re more likely to think of things in a dual fashion “I can wear this most of the year” when it’s not a hundred thousand degrees outside in the dead of summer.”

So how do you witchify that? Chose color palettes that suit the room’s nature. This type of sympathetic magic is incredibly useful and is aided by color theory. My bedroom is the main room I work in. The walls are robin’s egg blue with natural woods. Books cover 60% of the walls and this is the only room with all of my electronics gear, TV and game centers included. I also have two kimonos hung on the wall primarily because they weren’t safely stored when in my closet (one was water damaged and I’m still seeking a proper way to repair it). This means I have a LOT going on in one room. I tied the room together fairly easily by using trees and birds as an ongoing theme throughout this room though and I used that to tie different areas together. Monsters and folklore is a theme of the apartment itself so pillows, a duvet, and one kimono are tied in there (the kimono has tengu on it. A beloved gift from my late mentor). The metallic gold in a huge orange kimono is tied in with throws (and my hair) and is similarly replicated in the pale woods. For rugs I have a few cheap felt rugs that I scatter in different rooms to cover the gray cement floor and a black dyed deer skin by the bed. This gives the room a tamed wildness to it which is pretty great since my greenhouse and large stick drying area is also in my bedroom. All these colors are more consequential but I can chose elements of things that are unmovable (such as the kimonos) to bring out. I chose the gold because it improves my self-image and gets me thinking of new ways to improve the shop. It also helps boost my mood and reminds me of the sun, which is incredibly important as I often suffer from vitamin D deficiency due to my sleeping disorder. If you want pops of color in a room, it could be as easy as picking a single element in something that’s important to you and running with it. If you want to increase the productivity of a room, pick cool whites, sunny yellows, or light reds. To lessen anxiety and stress, go with cool pale greens and blues (and reduce the number of colors and things that break up those serene colors!)

Alter what you’ve got.

We all have things that just don’t fit right and some of us keep those thing around because eventually we’ll be able to alter it so it can fit or be fixed right? Look at those items will a critical eye and decide if you’re actually going to alter that. If you are, remove the item to a “to-do” work pile in a place where you’ll see it all the time but is still out of the way. (Mine’s a laundry basket I see every time I leave my bedroom – but avoid doing this if anxiety is a concern for you.) If you’re not going to alter it, set it aside to give away, swap, or sell.

How do you witchify this? When altering things, it’s easy to personalize it to your needs. When sewing you can easily push energy and your intent into the fabric and thread. Add sigils to the lining of clothing or blankets to encourage things such as quitting smoking or boost moods. (You can even put sigils at the bottom of coffee cups using a sharpie on the outside of the mug.)

Remove your emotional connections to an item.

The reason why getting rid of things is so hard is two fold: one, it’s a waste and the item could be useful at some time, right? and two you’ve built an emotional connection to that item and you don’t want to get rid of that item because of those emotions. What I do is this: I get a box and sort through items and ask myself “What am I going to do with you? What purpose do you have? Where are you from?” Often I don’t have a good answer for that so into the box it goes. Depending on what the box contains, I either donate or sell the items. Craft supplies go to after-school clubs, schools, or local kids I know where clothes are either sold or donated.

This is going to be absolutely the most difficult step to get over. I recommend liberal use of coffee or a similar beverage and just doing it. Another idea that I use is putting this treasured item in a box in some far-off corner of the house. Leave it there until the next season. Does it still hold the same emotional connection? Did you even remember or miss it? Did you look for it? If yes then keep it. If not away it goes.

So you’ve done the thing, now what?

Once you’ve gone through your closet, now you have to evaluate what your closet needs. Does it need shelf liners? New changers? A light source? Do those physical changes first.

Now decide what items should go where and how it should be organized. My closet was custom-made for me when my flat was torn down and rebuilt after a flood destroyed, well, everything. It’s a double depth closet so there’s two clothing bars instead of one. Dresses and special occasional wear or costumes are on the back hook with a few hanging sorters to put pants away and undergarments (I don’t have a dresser). Socks go in a basket on top of a hat box, bags go in a tote, jewelry on a hanging rack or on a top basket of a three tiered rolling basket (the other two tiers hold cardigans). Pajamas and tied skirts are in another three tier shelf. My laundry basket (a tall round wheeling thing) fits in there nicely. This sounds like a lot but it all fits in a four by five by six foot space and that’s pretty good considering I use to make clothes and costumes for a living. That organization system works somewhat well.

My under the stairs closet is far better. This closet holds coats, cloaks, bags, shoes, non-fashion scarfs, and hats hung on walls or tucked in rope tension or hooks. It works fabulously well, is incredibly organized, and still leaves two hooks available for guests to put their stuff in. I can now walk into the closet which is a revolutionary idea. I witchcraft’d the hell out of the system by coating the screws in a tisane for protection, let the dry, and then screwed them in.

Organization doesn’t have to be physical like that. It can simply be organizing by brand, type, or purpose. All your work clothes in one area and your date clothes in another. I have my herbs in alphabetical order on four shelves with a book to ensure I can rapid find out what I have in stock (useful when you have 100+ herbs. My fabric closet is arranged by color first and material type second.

It’s not all about organization either. Once you know what you’ve got, you can decide what you need. Do you need tall brown boots? Are you shockingly out of chamomile and skullcap? I manage these needs by keeping a list on my phone and computer with Evernote but I also keep a list on my fridge with a white board. This isn’t just about refilling what you have but keeps you from buying things you already have. For example, I’ve scraped a crocheting project just last week because I discovered I had arm warmers exactly like I wanted already but I had forgotten existed. Surprise!

How to upkeep it.

Use the Unfuck Your Habitat method of cleaning to keep things neat. Laundry, for example, is a four step process: sort, washer, dryer, put away. It doesn’t seem like it but it is. Using the UFYH method helps keep things organized quickly.

If you bought an item to boost your self esteem and to look fantastic while wearing it but are concerned about safety (heels are great for fashion terrible for running), use sigils and symbols to help yourself out. I wash my laundry with a mixture that helps with protection and encouraging creativity. Just ensure that whatever you add doesn’t dye your clothes. That would be awful.

I use Google Calendar religiously and I schedule in when I put a spell into place that I will want to renew in six months. (That’s a good time period estimate for renewing spells, by the way.) The calendar texts me to remind me to renew the spell and off I go. It works out beautifully.

Here’s some other tips for you witchcraft needs:

Do you have a lot of spell jars you need to keep and no room for them? Add a shelf to an unused wall in your closet and set them up there. For extra security, put two screws halfway along the jar’s heights and tie a piece of twine between them. This will serve as a security net.

Sharpies are the greatest but can and do wash off. Try fabric paint for a long-lasting sigil.

Sigils and symbols don’t have to be hidden! Alter a plain tee into an art piece by drawing a sigil or symbol as the main image on the shirt or along the sleeves.

The ceiling is an oft forgotten section of the house. Use hooks to hang things easily and use that forlorn place. Great for drying herbs. Similarly, you can put a shelf up high along the wall to keep your spell jars, herbs, or tools out of the way of children’s curiosity.

That’s it for this post! I really adore clever storage solutions and I’m a big DIYer so I have to ask: what clever storage solutions do you have?

Road Trip! Rhode Island to New Orleans and Back Again!

So unless you’ve been living under a rock, you’ll notice that it’s September and almost October. You may have noticed that by checking the calendar but more likely you’ve noticed that because the autumn tumblr posts are back.

For those of you who were paying special attention you have connected that with my RI-NOLA-RI road trip (coming up in 10 days) so some of you on the East Coast of the US are probably even partially excited by that.

For those of you who have been living under a rock, let me give you the summary: Between September 30th through October 8th I will be on a road trip from Rhode Island (where I live) down the eastern seaboard to New Orleans (via Florida) and then back. During the trip I may make requested stops and hold meet ups for tumblrites.

OK, so that’s cool. Where are you stopping? My mum and I are spontaneous – we have literally nothing planned but a general direction, a budget, and I’ve a few cities that I intend to stop in (for meet ups or tourist bullshit.) If YOU have a place you want me to stop at or can recommend, send an ask or email.

So far the following places have been decided (dates are COMPLETE estimates and absolutely NOT guaranteed):

  • Gettysburg, PA (9/30-10/1)
  • Washington, DC. (10/1)
  • Richmond, VA (10/2)

How will this effect YOU?

  • I will be on the internet less and answering asks and emails less, if at all.
  • The shop will remain open but ONLY for divination/tarot readings.
  • I technically legally can’t do divinations for those in Pennsylvania or North Carolina. That doesn’t necessarily mean I won’t but legally I shouldn’t.

That’s cool, that’s cool. How can I help?

Want to follow along with the road trip? The BEST way to do that is my twitter although facebook and tumblr will get some love too.